I walked down to the shed, but on the way something caught my eye. I gazed in surprised wonder at the newly planted crape myrtles. Two of them were showing signs of severe distress, with branches cracked and broken and some even torn off and missing. There was definitely something wrong here, I theorized that mayhem like this does not occur spontaneously and there must have been some interference with the fledgling plants. But what could it be? Was there some kind of deranged crape myrtle killer on the loose, a mad man who suffered some traumatic gardening accident as a child and now seeks revenge on innocent and unsuspecting plants. I thought it unlikely. Did a motorized vehicle lose control and smash into them? Lack of tire tracks in the lawn suggested otherwise. Could it have been children indulging in what they felt was a harmless prank? I felt that this was quite possible. I grew up in a rough area where children routinely engaged in behavior of this type, and although it was not very commendable for the youngsters in question, the children looked upon it as normal entertainment. It was certainly true that this part of town was not such a depraved socioeconomic region as the one where I was raised, but I believe that kids will be kids wherever they live. So here then at last was a plausible explanation.
Over the course of the next day or so I made a point of talking to my neighbors about this serious problem. If there were a group of recalcitrant youngsters engaged in garden vandalism wandering around the neighborhood we all needed to be vigilant. But my hypothesis was met with suspicion and doubt and I was assured by the area inhabitants that no such children existed nearby.
This problem tormented my for almost a week, until one day I happened to look out of the window and caught the perpetrator red handed, or should I say red hoofed! A large deer was casually chewing the leaves off the last of the crape myrtles. In an instant my anger rose up and my opinion of these animals changed completely from charming visitors to garden pests, destroyer of ornamental shrubbery and masters of landscape demolition. I ran outside but by the time I arrived at the crime scene, breathless and furious the culprit was long gone leaving only a trail of broken half chewed crape myrtle branches in its wake.
Looking around I began to notice subtle clues that I had previously missed. The occasional clump of lariope that had been eaten away or the indentations in the soft earth which now I realized could only be deer hoof prints. The mystery had been solved but the problem had not been by any means resolved and I knew that I had to take action.
I was beginning to understand why there were warning signs on the highways cautioning people about the deer, it was obviously to advise would be gardeners not to invest too much time trying to plant colorful and decorative garden elements, because they would most assuredly be eaten by these annoying animals.
What makes the habits of these bothersome beasts particularly annoying is that they are not happy just to eat something. If all they did was to select a branch, eat it, and leave they would perhaps be tolerable, but their dining habits are so appalling that they take delight in causing as much damage to this commandeered food supply as they possibly can. What they don’t eat they just break up and destroy. That’s just malicious. It’s deplorable and unforgivable and I was going to stop it!
While browsing the shelves of my local gardening store and nursery, a location where I seemed to spend increasingly large slices of my life, I noticed that there were some plants for sale that proudly displayed the unmistakable symbol of a deer contained within a red circle with a similarly colored bar diagonally across the image. Beneath the logo were the words deer resistant. ‘Resistant’ is an interesting word, and if you have ever experienced a tiny film of moisture on the inside face of a water resistant watch you will know that the word has little relevance. In my limited experience with these matters I have reached the opinion that a deer will eat anything if it is hungry enough.
So the game was a-hoof as they say, and I realized that the principle adage when about to engage in a battle of this kind was “Know thine enemy”
Stephen R. Drage
Author: MUD LANE
